Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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