I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
