70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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