He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you had me at cake vodka
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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