I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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