If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
