Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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