It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize