we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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