my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I will be naked everywhere
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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