My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
