You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
