I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
