six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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