he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
