made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
