This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
