I just pynch a tree in the face
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
