...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize