Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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