He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
