You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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