Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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