You're my little dorito
thus making me awesome and them whores
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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