my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
