three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize