mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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