summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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