If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
