Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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