It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
