The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
