it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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