I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
