Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
