youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
