I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize