K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
