He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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