True but thats because hes a fetus.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need to calm my uterus...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
