i would punch a child for taco bell
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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