Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
