Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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