i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
