I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
