I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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