I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
