That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize