The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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