Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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