dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
