He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
