watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize