ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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