I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
