Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
