tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize