Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
