Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
