Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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