you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize