I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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