I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
