he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
