We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
