my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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