the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
