I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize