Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
