I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
