Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
