neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
