Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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