so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I would fuck him just for his dog
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
