i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
