I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize