When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
