the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
