I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
