I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
