he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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