wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to calm my uterus...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
