You really coming over, don't trick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
how does that bad decision feel?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
