mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize