this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
