Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I came so hard my ears popped.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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