I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm just crazy horny about you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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