Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
