ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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