He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
