I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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