Your face is a jimmy john
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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