Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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