Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
