i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
