So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
