I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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