Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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