we have pet lesbian snakes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
