Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
