To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
