those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
