How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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