i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize