I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
