I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
