He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
