Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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