dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
