Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I had to cum in my sink.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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