What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
