when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
